The politician's policeman

If I was a policeman who policed in the way the government do, not as the government say:

I'd work in County A. I'd live in County B, but of course that'd mean I'd have my proper home as my second home, so I can buy some decent furniture, paint, televisions etc etc...
I'd then suggest paying myself to turn up to work in County A, on top of my salary.
I'd only speak to members of the public on a once weekly basis, and then spend the rest of my time speaking to my colleagues about what I think is best for the public, in a grand building the public can't visit the most part of.
I'd vote myself a pay rise every year.
I'd claim charity giving, gardening, cat food and christmas decorations on expenses.
I'd vote myself a bigger summer holiday.

All the while, I'd orate at great length...

"The issue of accountability. This is vital for public confidence"
"People pay taxes and want to know their money is making a difference"
"As a government, we have always been clear that the rights we exercise as individuals must be balanced against the responsibilities towards others"

All the above direct quotes from Hazel Blears, January 2005.